Currently – 9/25/19 (Class, Work, Restless)

I feel like I’m saying the same thing about this class everyday. “How was this class? It was good.” Truth is boring I guess. But I’d rather be pleasantly bored than miserable. I guess my biggest problem is I need to get a handle on the workload. I’m starting to get the hang of it. This is first night in a while where I finished before I got back home so I’ve just been relaxing.

I guess since its almost the weekend I’m going to be working again. I’m definitely grateful to have this job. I can’t really go anywhere or do much but I have enough money and that’s really what I’m after right now. Obviously I’d like to be able to better my current situation but things could be a lot worse and I’m not going to shake the boat when the waters are calm, so to speak.

Part of the reason why I’m able to relax is because I did the work on time thanks to me reducing the time I spent on dumb stuff. Not completely removing, just reducing. Trying to get my priorities in order so I can be a somewhat not complete waste of space. Really I just look at people working and surviving and wonder how they do it. I guess my biggest problem is I don’t really have any work ethic or ambitions. I mean I do have ambitions and things I want to do or accomplish but ultimately I just kind of feel like having just enough and unfortunately that doesn’t really foster creativity.

I guess I kind of just want security but extra. Like I want just enough to survive and also a little bit more. I don’t think that’s greedy. Really I just feel like having the base essentials to survive and finding what I can do with that. Where I can go and how I can feel. I’m not against people thriving but I just think of how much work people put into the possibility of something better and that kind of just turns me off. I think I’d like to change that, if I’m being honest.