Currently – 11/11/19 (Shopping, Cooking, Anxious)

Unfortunately I had the day off today… which is a very weird thing for me to say but as I mentioned in the last post, and several other posts prior, I actually like going to class. Not only do I get to see some really nice people that I get to talk to and have fun with but I also get to get out of the house and not engage in bad habits. So whenever I have a day off and I’m genuinely feeling well and I have enough money I like to go out. Not only do I get to buy stuff (if I want to) but I also get to see and sometimes interact with people and I usually walk around more than I drive so its some decent exercise. Also the aforementioned not staying inside to engage in poor behaviors.

So I went to the mall hoping that I would see someone from class but of course that didn’t happen. I went to the bookstore, got some cook books that I’m interesting in reading, especially the baking stuff because I’ve always wanted to be a good baker. I also went to IKEA for the first time just because and I ended up finding some really good vessels that I could use for pickling and also those really nice pop top glass bottles that are used in making kombucha. I still need a scobe and a large glass vessel before I can make some kombucha but I’ve cross a hurdle so its possible that I could start making some very soon.

I also bought some vegetables to pickle later if I get the chance. I should probably look up like a guide or something on that because I’m not really good at pickling. Then again I’m well on my way to doing it so that’s always great to make some progress. I think I’ll go to the store later. I was fishing through the baking book I got and saw a recipe for some no bake brownies which, ya, I know I said I wanted to bake but small steps. Maybe I could make a whole batch and bring some to class tomorrow to share with others… or just eat them all myself because brownies taste good and I have poor impulse control especially when it comes to really good food.

I don’t really know why but there’s supposed to be this like legend or something around 11/11, like if you make a wish on that day its supposed to come true or maybe just like its lucky. Every so often when I look at the clock and see its 11:11 I find myself remembering that’s when people usually make a wish. I’m not a superstitious person by any stretch of the imagination apart from not wanting to go into creepy places on the off chance there might be ghosts or monsters because I feel like the potential negatives outweigh the positives. I can go into a creepy spooky place and there’s a significant chance nothing happens or maybe this is the one place that evil truly exists and I could die horribly. Basically I’m not going to roll those dice, so to speak, because there’s nothing to gain and a lot to lose.

Anyways, so my first thought when I looked at the date a while ago was that this is when people usually make a wish. My wish was to be able to tell this girl I like her. My life hasn’t been really great up until now but recently everything seems to be fitting into place. I just feel like maybe I could go further with this. I could totally just have a rewarding relationship with an amazing person and it could potentially boil over into maybe finding my soulmate and finally being content with my life. How could I pass up that chance? Maybe tomorrow I’ll get the perfect opportunity to say something.

Currently – 11/10/19 (Work, Cooking, Waiting)

Today is the end of the weekend so I don’t have work tomorrow. Usually that means I have school but unfortunately we have an off day. Its so weird to hear myself say I’m disappointed I don’t get to go to school but I guess I have changed from being a dumb kid to an adult who actually likes going to class to learn. Or it could be the fact I’m genuinely interested in the subject and I also have someone I like in the class. Probably those last two things more than anything.

Thankfully I remembered I have some homework due on Tuesday so I got a rush on that. I’m all caught up on my homework, at least the stuff I can, so all I can do now is get a little ahead. I looked at the project I’m supposed to turn in even later in the week and it just looks… wrong, you know? Like I’m looking at it and thinking “That can’t be right.” So instead of putting more independent work into it I’m just going to wait for Tuesday and try to copy from someone else. Who knows, the work could be perfect. I mean I couldn’t even say that with a hint of doubt in my mind so I’m not going to even pretend that’s true.

Since I have tomorrow off I’ve been wondering what I should do. I’ve been watching a Netflix documentary about Chinese food and its given me a lot of ideas. I think I really want to get a start on making some kombucha but I need a few more supplies for that than I currently have so maybe I’ll just put in an order sometime soon. What I do think I will do is do some pickling. I saw some nice glass bottles at Target when I went on Friday so I think I’ll pick some of those up and maybe a few other things to pickle. I’ve got some jalapenos so that could be really nice to put into something. Maybe I’ll pickle some eggs too which, while they take some time, taste great when finished.

Right now I’m kind of just twiddling my thumbs waiting for Tuesday. I just really want to see this woman again and talk to her. I keep kicking myself for not giving her my number, thinking she might want to talk when we’re not together. Even if its just an extra day I really would like to talk to her more often. I also keep telling myself that I’ll finally confess my feelings for her on Tuesday but more than likely I’ll just chicken out again, as usual. Maybe I’ll be able to summon the courage this time and see if she really does like me. Maybe.