Currently – 9/15/19 (Work, Sick, School)

My shift ends in a a few minutes… maybe. Its kind of nebulous. The point is I’m almost done with work. Normally I would have spent all this time playing video games… which, to be fair, I did play a lot of. But the first thing, apart from getting breakfast, I did in the morning was finish my homework. I was kind of annoyed by the large workload but once I put effort into it my annoyances slipped away and I finished it. Helped that I did the brunt of it prior to today so that was definitely a factor. If I keep this up I can definitely do it.

Right now my main concern is immediately going to sleep because I’m suffering with a particularly aggressive cold. I’m not sure why I am, though it could be the fact I keep my fans on throughout the night. I would like to say I’m a generally clean guy but that’s definitely not the case. That being said my body is really used to gross surroundings so I’ve built up my immunity somewhat over my life so getting sick is pretty unusual. I’ll probably keep the fans on and just turn them down. I usually wake up early because my body is going through night sweats or heat flashes and its extremely difficult to go back to sleep if I’m uncomfortable. In the meantime I’ve been putting hot sauce and garlic on my food in an effort to clear my sinuses as well as drinking plenty of tea and water.

Unless I feel really horrible tomorrow I’m not going to take the day off from school. Not only for the fact that I have a very limited amount of times I can be absent or late during the program before I’m dropped without a refund but two other things as well. The first is I usually flake on things. I’ve tried to convince myself its in an effort to help my mental health when situations are bad or to not be forced into bad situations like I used to. The second is the instructor made it very clear that people with a perfect attendance usually get hired more frequently than those without. So there’s a pretty big incentive to keep up with my currently perfect attendance.

Like most days now I’m still met with silence when trying to interact with my friends. I didn’t reach out today but I have a few days ago and still no response. I know that they’re probably busy but I can’t help but internalize it as a problem on my end. I had an urge to try and contact one of them but this silence is preferable to reaching out and finding nothing. I would rather wonder if they don’t want to talk than putting myself out there and having it confirmed that they don’t want to. Most likely I’ll get a message this week but I feel like not even bothering to think about it. If it happens so be it, otherwise life goes on.

I’ve been thinking about saving money for multiple reasons. Not really sure how to go about it. Not in the sense that I don’t know how to save money, although I am actually really terrible about it, rather what should I be working towards. I make an okay amount from my part time, enough to keep me alive and pay off my bills, but what do I want? I though about moving to be closer to someone but they really don’t seem interested in that so that’s off the table. Plus moving with impact my one source of income right now and the place I wanted to move to would require me to get a work visa. I’m just not sure what my path should be right now.