Currently – 10/13/19 (Dieting, Cooking, Investing)

I feel like every post I say something negative… I know I’ve said this a lot, but this blog is primarily just my day to day thoughts and such. That being said I feel like every time I get on here there’s always something negative. That’s not to say it isn’t true but maybe, every once and a while, I’ll skip the negatives and just talk about the positives. I’ll probably drop this pretty shortly after, as I am known to do, but let’s try it!

So I’ve been looking at my body and sort of disappointed in what I’ve been seeing. Exercising is something I want to get more into but I should also shape up how I eat as well. I’ve been working on doing some intermittent fasting which… I’m not sure if its working? I guess, maybe, its helping me with my own personal control over not overeating. At least I hope it is. The basic idea is to limit the amount of time I eat down to a period and apart from that I kind of fast. Basically I’m just actively skipping breakfast in an effort to be more conscious of my eating habits. I think its working, at least from the stand point that I’m making plans on what to eat instead of shoveling random things in my mouth at any time of the day.

Today I cooked something really interesting. It was like a chicken stew. Basically just a less watery chicken soup. It actually tasted pretty good so I was surprised. I cook somewhat often but I’m not really adventurous because I’m cooking for other people so this was kind of out of the way for me. I didn’t get any feedback from the people who ate some of it, which kind of sucks because I wanted to know if it was good or not. In any case, I’m pretty happy with what I’ve done so that’s nice.

I’ve been thinking about getting into small time investments as a way to potentially make a lot more money. I signed up with this company called Robinhood and they seem decent? I mean they gave me a free stock for signing up which was nice. Its not a whole lot but its free and if I decide to cash out its literally just all my money… I think. Anyways, I’ve been saving up some money so I could go on a trip and that might not be happening any time soon so I figured why not spend a few bucks and potentially make more?

I guess the investing idea is also to make me more of an adult, as weird as that sounds. I don’t do many ‘adult’ things like finances, going to clubs, drinking or anything like that. I mostly stay at home, play video games and watch tv shows which I’m fine with but most people usually give me weird looks. Not to say I care about what others think because I feel kind of happy just doing this. There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing so I feel like its just hobbies that aren’t harmful and don’t cost a whole lot, though that can vary.

It would be really cool if this investing thing could get me some actual money that I could use to build a future. I keep having this idea of me being this new age investor type where I’m just wearing very chill and comfortable clothes but I make lots of money and use that to fund a great and adventurous life. I don’t understand why people with vast amounts of money just stay close to all of it and sit on that. Why not spend it on something fun? Life is short and you’ve been basically given a free ticket to see this vast world!

I think I would start traveling to Europe then some of the Asian countries like Japan and China then go to Australia. I also think it would be really interesting to go to India and try some of the local cuisine. It really got into my head after I watched that street food documentary on Netflix. I’ve traveled around a fair bit already in my past, some in America and one trip outside of my country. The header of this blog is actually from Iceland. I guess I just really want to find a place out there where I belong and can be at peace with someone special.

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Currently – 10/11/19 (Family, Money, Diet)

Continuing the tales of my dad calling me in a drug fueled haze, completely unaware of his surroundings trying to get me to do inane tasks for him believing I’m nearby when I’m actually over 100 miles away and in a different county then my mom is forced to correct him and I’ve just wasted a few minutes and my patience is just a bit thinner. There’s probably a better way to word that but I feel like I need to properly voice how annoyed I am by all of this. Not only did I get a call last night, right as I was making dinner and my dad decided to share some disgusting and weird details, but also today.

If I’m being completely honest I think my dad is nearing death right now and I honestly don’t really care. That seems cold and monstrous but he wasn’t a good dad and we were never close. He’s only recently tried to connect with me, despite the two of us spending years together in the same home, specifically because he’s dying (although I know he won’t admit that). These past few years have just been an absolute drain, the final dragged out woes of a dying man desperately trying to make up for the wrong doing he did to me as a kid with small and pathetic gestures. I won’t be happy when he dies and I don’t think I’ll be sad. I’ll simply accept it and try to move on with my life using him as a constant reminder of the type of father I will never be.

Alright, just felt like I needed to get that out of the way and off my chest. In terms of my day it was okay. I got a check from my job and felt a need to spend some, seeing as how I have enough money to pay off my bills when that need arises. I bought some cook books because I want to just be healthier in general, also a book on making kombucha which I’ve been interested in for a while. I also bought some small groceries in preparation to make some healthier lunches to eat at school as well as finally the wrist watch I’ve been meaning to get for a long time.

If I’m being honest I don’t think the exercise is going too well. It might be because I’m not doing it frequently enough, not enough in general or I’m just too fat so my folds (for lack of a better term) are just getting in the way of a proper work out. I’m absolutely not going to quit but I need to make more changes than doing a few reps every single day which is why I’ve put some effort into, hopefully, trying to make better food for myself. Eating delicious food is always great but I can eat well and good food while also making it healthier for me.

I should really do some research on alternative diets and such. I’ve been watching a few videos on intermittent fasting and that seems like something I’m already doing but need to maximize how I’m doing it. Essentially what I’ll do is on the weekdays eat lunch and dinner but on the weekends its kind of random. I feel like if I cut out snacking and really tighten down the window that I eat my, now healthier, food I could drastically improve my quality of life. Time will tell but, if all goes well, I’ll be a bit leaner and maybe healthier in general. Now I just need to find a workout that’s perfect for me…

Currently – 10/4/19 (Fast, Exercise, Bored)

I think I’ve said this before but I’ve been trying to fast on Fridays, with the hope I’ll eventually push this into weekends. Unfortunately that didn’t quite work out today. I think it was because I ate way too much yesterday and then it just made me painfully hungry. This is more of a trial period where I’m trying to get used to fasting regularly so any screw up on my point I’m just going to pretend was for research. Now I can never be criticized!

The point of the fasting is an attempt to force my body into a state of ketosis, which I’ve heard forces your body to burn fat instead of muscle. I definitely need to do more research on the subject and I would caution you to do the same and not follow what I’m doing. For some weird reason my body is still really sore from doing some sit ups from Wednesday night so exercising right now doesn’t seem like the best plan. I guess I’m more out of shape than I previously realized.

Right now I’m just sitting here wondering what I can do. Apart from doing homework ahead of the due date there’s not much else. Although, I may do that just so I can free up my week which is a sensible idea. I kind of want to just call someone up or… do something. I have no idea. I’m trying to save money so my options are limited and its actually kind of late as I’m writing this. I guess I’ll just go to sleep and wait for work tomorrow.

Currently – 9/20/19 (Fasting, Friend, Mistake)

I didn’t want to post anything yesterday about it in case I couldn’t do it but I decided that on Fridays I would try fasting for the entire day. I’ve heard a lot of good things about this and my dad frequently fasted when I was a kid so I’m not going into this blind. Basically fasting is a period of time where you temporarily go without eating food for various reasons, religious or just trying to be more health conscious. All you can do is really drink water or non flavored/sugary drinks. All I’ve had today is water and coffee.

I think I’m going to break it later tonight since this is more of a test to gauge my effects and how my body reacts to it. Right now I feel kind of light headed but not really anything else. This could be something I do every Friday for a while. I guess the main reason I did this was because I’ve noticed my body doing… not great in terms of just my own personal look. Though I guess more than that I feel like resetting my own eating habits because what I eat isn’t really healthy and I’ve heard that many people lose cravings for bad stuff while doing this. In any case it feels like the experiment was a success so I might do this more often.

For whatever reason I decided to text my friend while also being aware she might not answer. Turns out she actually did… which kind of turned badly. I was insensitive to her feelings, though not purposefully it was definitely on accident, and she chewed me out because of it. It was kind of disappointing because it seemed like she might have wanted to talk to me as well and I essentially just made her cut me off. It definitely wasn’t my intention to do this but I’m not going to pretend like I’m blameless. I really should have known better. I think I’m going to give her some space to let her want to come back if she should feel like it.

I’m really annoyed with myself because I keep seeming to make these mistakes over and over with her. She’s a really nice person and I hate to see her unhappy, even worse when I am the cause of her unhappiness. She has every right to be mad at me and I just hope she forgives me. There’s times when I think she would be better off without me. I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not.