Currently – 9/24/19 (School, Birthday, Confidence)

I know I’ve said this before but I feel like each day I go to this class I feel a lot more comfortable. So today was my birthday, as I’ve said previously. I was sort of the center for attention today for a bit, which was actually not as terrible as I was imagining it to be. Nothing really specific but there was a point where everyone sang to me, which was awkward but its definitely not the worst thing ever. I was definitely embarrassed but the moment passed and I’m totally fine.

A lot of people remembered it was my birthday without me even having to tell them, which was kind of a nice surprise. Like I’m basically this complete stranger and at least three or four people took precious memory in their brains to remember that its my birthday, most of which I hadn’t even mentioned it to whatsoever. I didn’t even mention it the day of. I was just in the hallway waiting for class to begin and this girl I’ve spoken to a few times remembered that it was my birthday and everyone else there that didn’t know just broke out into, seemingly, genuine joy that “Hey look, its his birthday!” At the end of class someone who I had worked with that day not only remembered my name but called me as I was leaving and wished that I would have a great day.

Of course these things don’t always stay rosy. My family… I would say invited but that would imply I had a choice. Well anyways, they… coerced me out to dinner. You ever walk into a room and immediately know you’re not going to feel great. I walk into the room and my dad is just laying on the bed with a catheter strapped to his emaciated chicken legs and within a few seconds my parents just start fighting. After we got into the car it just kept going on from there to the point where I just don’t even really want to talk about it. My first present so far was a printer so I could use it for class so that was definitely an unexpected joy. This will definitely make printing out work immensely easier for me.

I hate to leave this on a dour note so I’ll talk about something I was happy about. This class has also had a secondary effect on me, most notably that I’m a bit more confident in myself. I’m actually going out of my way to talk to people, girls even. Obviously I’m being as respectful as possible because I don’t want to be a creep or a weirdo. I’ve almost completely changed from being the guy who keeps his head down to the person who actively goes up to people and asks them things or just talks to them. Today I talked with a girl that I had never talked to before and we had a fairly pleasant conversation while working together to the point where she was the girl who wished I had a good day at the end of class. So ya, that’s something to celebrate in my book at least.