I think I’ve said this before but I’ve been trying to fast on Fridays, with the hope I’ll eventually push this into weekends. Unfortunately that didn’t quite work out today. I think it was because I ate way too much yesterday and then it just made me painfully hungry. This is more of a trial period where I’m trying to get used to fasting regularly so any screw up on my point I’m just going to pretend was for research. Now I can never be criticized!
The point of the fasting is an attempt to force my body into a state of ketosis, which I’ve heard forces your body to burn fat instead of muscle. I definitely need to do more research on the subject and I would caution you to do the same and not follow what I’m doing. For some weird reason my body is still really sore from doing some sit ups from Wednesday night so exercising right now doesn’t seem like the best plan. I guess I’m more out of shape than I previously realized.
Right now I’m just sitting here wondering what I can do. Apart from doing homework ahead of the due date there’s not much else. Although, I may do that just so I can free up my week which is a sensible idea. I kind of want to just call someone up or… do something. I have no idea. I’m trying to save money so my options are limited and its actually kind of late as I’m writing this. I guess I’ll just go to sleep and wait for work tomorrow.
If I’m being honest I’m kind of annoyed that I have nothing interesting to talk about here. Life is… boring, honestly. I mean I prefer boring to bad but… still. The only really different thing I did today was go out and pick up some groceries. Also I guess I made chicken stock for the first time. I haven’t tasted it yet but it smells good. I’ve been meaning to make a stock for a while because the food I eat is bland. Might beef up some of my daily dishes for a bit… provided it actually tastes good, I’m not sure.
I think I need to change my reason for wanting to write. I keep getting into this mindset of making money from it, which is good don’t get me wrong. The problem is I’m not receiving any money from it right now so my brain is pushing it to the back like “This isn’t important”. I really just want to write for me. Even if its just to create my own stories that someone somewhere down the line can read and enjoy them. Being famous isn’t really my end goal but turning it into a full time job, or otherwise being able to monetize my works, would be great.
Right now I feel like I want to get into a better place mentally. To understand who I am, what I’m doing and to overcome my more negative traits. A therapist would be immensely helpful but until I can get a stable job with good pay that probably isn’t going to be a thing. I’d really like to get a Patreon up and running and somehow monetize… something. Maybe have some freedom to go around and do things while making money at the same time. I’d like that a lot.
Alright so my plan to potentially increase my productivity backfired immensely. Like not even remotely worked. My plan was to do my morning routing before I wrote and, for whatever reason, it just just completely shot my ability to write anything. Being generous, I got a paragraph done. That’s bad, if you were wondering. So I’m just going to go back to my original way.
As a result everything I’ve done not related to working has just been soured. Recreational stuff was supposed to be my way to unwind but I just did it out of habit and now I feel like I’ve been rewarding myself for doing nothing. Which is a pretty minor complaint, all things considered. Right now I’m just thinking of something I can do to pass the time but I’m leaning towards just going to bed early. Not really sure if that’s a good plan.
This is probably the first time in a while I’ve just felt tired at night. Usually I’ll just yawn and know I should go to sleep because its late but its actually fairly early right now. I kind of want to but also I know its going to screw up my sleep pattern. Though, seeing as how I don’t really have a job or many obligations that’s not a huge deal. Although I guess I do have a temporary job for the weekend. I think I can get through that being a little tired.
Today was pretty decent, all things considered. I mean something bad did happen to someone I care about which I’m not happy about but she seems to be better so that’s… good? Ideally it wouldn’t have happened in the first place, of course. I put some more work into the book but not as much as I wanted to. Not sure why but I at least put in some work. I’m not going to beat myself up over only getting a small amount of work done.
I also got a check for my vacation time. The amount is surprisingly larger than I was expecting. I was thinking that I would just get my original salary just stretched out over time. I hope this isn’t the only check but if it is I’ll try to make the best of it. In fact its so large I feel weird about cashing it. Obviously I will to pay my bills but not immediately. I think I’ll ask to see if there’s enough money in the account before doing so.
My brother took me out for some free food. That’s always nice. Although I can’t really say free cause I gave him a hundred bucks for the phone bill. So… more like I gave him a hundred bucks and to compensate me he bought me 8 bucks worth of food. Ya not a good exchange rate. Even still I have the money right now so its not a big deal.
Ever since then I’ve just been playing some more video games. I just got up to write this. For whatever reason my body is really aching right now. I guess the chair I was sitting in wasn’t super comfortable. I feel kind of tired as well. Considering taking a nap but it seems pretty early. I think I’ll just watch some Netflix to pass the time. If I decide to sleep then so be it.
While it is a small step I have actually made some slight progress to being a bit more productive. Finally did some laundry which was piling up on the floor. Not sure why I didn’t just do it earlier but whatever, its done now. Hopefully this will get me out of my lazy slump that I’ve been in recently. Should wash my sheets, now that I think about it. Tomorrow I guess.
Spent most of my time playing a video game, which I’m not proud of. Finally decided to quit out because it was crashing and it gave me an excuse to write this. Maybe I’ll get back on later but I think I’ve had enough for today. Right now I feel like I should, at the very least, attempt some writing. I don’t lack ideas just the motivation to write. Not sure how to get that back but maybe if I foster more positive practices I could get back into the spirit.
All in all it was a pretty uneventful day. Nothing really out of the normal. I hope it stays that way, honestly. Not really interested in significant life changes right now. I think I’ll just try and buckle down to working. Maybe I’ll look for some jobs again. I’m fine with today, all things considered. Not bad.
Its Independence Day and…! I have done nothing productive. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m taking a break off for the holiday but pretty much every single day has been like this. Honestly I’m just annoyed at the lack of work every time I try to find some. Its pretty discouraging to say the least when I know I need money but all the jobs I see I’m not qualified for or they’re very sketchy.
Instead of just sitting around I decided to text my friend and she didn’t answer. Although, if I’m being honest, I just sent her a dumb joke image to test the waters on whether she wanted to talk or not. I’m disappointed she didn’t answer but I’m sure she has a good reason. I thought it would have been the perfect time to talk but I guess not. My guess is she’s busy with work so I’m not going to make a big deal out of this.
So for pretty much waking up I’ve just been playing video games. I know its not good or healthy or productive but I just don’t want to focus on all of that annoying stuff, if only for just one day. I keep looking for people to blame why this entire process is so frustrating but the buck keeps getting passed off on another thing and I don’t want to go through that circle of annoyance if I don’t have to.
Maybe I just need to be more productive. Put my nose to the grindstone, or what have you, and just do what needs to be done. I’ll try better tomorrow. For now I think I’ll just be a bit lazy. Not saying I’ve earned it, just in the sense that I don’t feel its going to be any more productive than sitting in front of a computer trying to find potential jobs but ending up finding nothing. I’ll find a way out of this soon. I have to.