Currently – 9/16/19 (Sleep, Sick, School)

Started out my day in an interesting way: my dad calling me up at 2 am to question me on something he has no knowledge of from being given false information because his mind is so gone he can’t even distinguish between time, sleep schedules and how dark it is outside. So… ya. He woke me up at 2 in the morning just to question me about missing a class… which I haven’t, and my only recourse was to quickly correct him and go back to sleep. My best guess for the reason I woke up was because I thought it was my friend contacting me as I am a pretty deep sleeper. Disappointed to say the least.

Looking at the title you can already guess that I’m still sick, albeit not as bad as yesterday. A few sneezes and coughs with some congestion but I’m still trying to get through the day. I think later I’ll take a long hot shower and then get some tea. Ideally I would just straight up eat some raw onions to clear my sinuses but that’s probably not possible. Instead I’ll just continue to drink as much water as possible in an effort to flush my system.

I did go to school today, partially to spite my dad if I’m being honest. I think my mom saw me on Friday not going to class and immediately assumed without asking me then mentioned it to my dad. My best guess is tomorrow I’ll be forced to correct them to which they’ll deflect their accusatory statement to be one of weak praise. If you can’t tell by my writing tone right now I am pretty bitter.

Anyways, school. We’re starting some more practical stuff now which is my weakness so that’s good. Hopefully I can pick up on all of this stuff so when it is finally time for me to go out into the internship program I can be fully prepared. Still not looking forward to needles. Right now we’re working on checking vitals like blood pressure, breathing, heart rate and something else that escapes me. Like I said the actual practical applications are my biggest weakness so I’m hoping that I can get better at that. In an effort to put myself forward rather than keep my head down I volunteered to be a test subject, so that’s cool.

I guess my biggest worry is about being perceived as creepy. Throughout my time at high school (13-17) I was always the weird guy. I could handle it at times but there were moments where it was unbearable, like a friend of mine making it somewhat clear he believed me to be a school shooter which is always fun to hear from someone you thought was on your side. I actually had somewhat of a conversation with a group of people which was nice. I’m always wary not to move beyond my boundaries so interjecting myself into a currently ongoing casual discussion successfully was a nice boost to my self confidence. Now that I look back on it, today wasn’t all that bad.

Currently – 6/21/19 (Education, Bitter, Uncertainty)

At this point in time I’m really just waiting for school to start. Might be the ticket I need to change my life for the better. At the very least it could just be something to do to get my mind off of everything that’s going on. I feel like I’m going insane.

Right now I’m sitting on the couch/bed of my parent’s place listening to my dad continuously drone on as I’m desperately trying to sleep. His incessant complaining is infuriating to say the least. I already have insomnia so its difficult to sleep as it is without an aged man complaining about how he can’t sleep, most likely because he spent the entire car ride over sleeping.

I know I’m a little bitter but I can’t help it. Plus I want to be as honest as possible. Otherwise I’d just be lying to myself and anyone who reads this. I appreciate honesty above all else, even if it hurts someone’s feelings. In the long run you’ll end up a better person if someone tells you off as opposed to everyone pretending all your faults aren’t a big deal to your face.

I know I’ve said this before but I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for me. Its hard to see the pasture beyond the trees. I’ve gotten so used to being in really bad situations I forget what its like to be happy. I’m willing to give it my best shot. I just hope things start to turn around because I don’t know if I can keep doing this.