I was debating on posting this last night but I wasn’t really feeling up to it so here it is now. I took the trip out to meet my family for the Thanksgiving holiday. It was surprisingly a lot less annoying than it usually is to do so. On the way I was just preparing for the awkward feeling of having to face my family after our business had collapsed. I’m still not really sure how that’s going to work out.
I gave my cousin a ride over seeing as how its a two hour trip and he usually offers to put up some money for gas. We don’t really talk but not for any significant reason. We’re just two different people despite sharing blood. We talked for a while and I got to vent about some of my problems. He offered to talk to his boss about me to see if I could get a job which is really nice.
After I dropped him off I traveled a short way to my parent’s home. Both my mom and brother were unusually quiet. Every time I entered the room my mom looked at me in the face while my brother stared at the floor. After all my stuff was inside my mom asked me a vague question then lead me to the empty room where my dad used to be. She didn’t have to say anything, it was pretty obvious what happened. I’m just not sure when and I don’t think it would have mattered when he passed.
I’m not going to pretend like my dad and I had a good or even decent relationship. I’m honestly just not sure how to process this. I didn’t hate him but I didn’t want him dead and the idea that he’s gone just feels like there’s a whole left in my life right now. I was already prepared for his passing but the really horrible time I’ve been having for less than two weeks didn’t help. I didn’t think I could lose any more but I was just proven wrong. Happy Thanksgiving, I guess.