Currently – 11/7/19 (Feelings, Opportunities, Restless)

I decided to shake things a bit up today by getting closer to the girl I like and some of it was pretty overt. Good news is she didn’t pull away but she did comment on it as an after thought. Again, my first an primary goal is to not make her or anyone else feel uncomfortable so if she says no then I stop. In any case, it feels like we’ve gotten a bit closer but unfortunately there’s still a gap I feel needs to be crossed. I was planning on hanging out with her this weekend but she’s going to be busy so I can’t really help it.

Later I started metaphorically beating myself up because I thought about pulling her aside and giving her my number to call me over the weekend. We’re also working on a project so I could have used that as an excuse. However the more thought I gave it I decided she wasn’t really in the right mood and the situation wasn’t really ideal. Either way I feel like I should bring it up the next time we meet and maybe introduce the idea of talking outside of class.

I’m fine with taking a relationship slow if its good so this isn’t really a problem for me. What I ultimately want is to just be close to someone. Sometimes I feel as though every one else gets to have that stuff and I keep getting left behind. Well right now I found someone who seems interested in me and I absolutely can’t let this pass me by without trying. I’ve learned the adage “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” definitely applies to me. The more I put myself out there the better I feel, the more experiences I attempt to gain the more complete and whole I feel. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m actually, legitimately, in the right place in my life to start a healthy and meaningful serious relationship and not doing this just because I’m lonely. I want to share my life and love and everything else with this person and, for once in my life, I feel like those feelings could be reciprocated.

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