Currently – 10/25/19 (Health, Stress, Calm)

Update from last few posts, I guess. Went to the doctor to check the abnormal growth and its supposedly just an infection in one of my glands. This is somewhat of a relief but I still have my reservations. For one I’ve been misdiagnosed before so there’s always that possibility, however I’d like to believe it is just in fact and infection and move on with my life. And the second was the fact the entire doctor’s visit, plus the antibiotics I’m taking, cost around $130. That’s not really a hit to me (at least in terms of what I need, in actuality it was about a third of all the money I had on me at the time) and I’m glad I went but I just wish it was… I don’t know, something. I guess I’m just annoyed I had to pay such a large price for a condition that ultimately lead to being a fairly common and easily treatable condition.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I’ll continue to thank God for this being a false cancer scare, but I still can’t feel great about all of this. Again, not from the standpoint of it being false, but just the idea that I felt so close to death. My life has been going really well recently so my thought was I’m having all of this taken away after a lifetime of pain and suffering. Like the one tinge of happiness I get will all be for nothing. That being said it has given me a new perspective. To come so close I brushed the cloak of death only to find it was essentially the blinds covering my window.

I really don’t want to let life pass me by. I have all these opportunities to become so much greater and have an amazing life. I am absolutely not going to waste it. I’m not saying that I’m going to immediately change my life starting this moment! But maybe something closer to “I should cherish what I have a bit more” or “Maybe take a few risks, seeing as how life is fairly short and you never know how long you have”. All things considered I’m pretty young and, if I have a good diet and exercise more regularly, I could extend ‘the prime of my life’ near indefinitely. I keep thinking about all the things I want: to find love and see my spouse walk down the aisle on our wedding day, maybe to play in the yard with our future kids and pets, to wake up each morning with a smile on my face as I remember how amazing my life is. Sappy or not small ideas like that really keep me going.

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