Still technically on my shift but the day is basically over at this point. As usual a pretty chill day at work, all things considered. I put a little more effort in today than usual but it doesn’t seem like anyone noticed which sucks. Then again it did feel good to put a little bit more in so it wasn’t all bad.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my class lately. It really feels like I’ve been taking it easy and not putting in the effort I should be. At the very least I should do it so if I do get to go on my internship they don’t kick me out immediately. Someone I worked with recently gave me an idea how I can practice outside of class and it should only cost around like twenty bucks so I might go for that. At the very least if I buy this thing then I’ll stare at it and realize I should be practicing. Not sure if I can practice on myself so I should ask the teacher about it on Monday.
After that surprise windfall of money from my last paycheck I’ve been thinking more and more about going to visit my friend when I have the opportunity. I’ve been looking up the prices of hostels in her area but I think I should really be focusing on that plane ticket. I did something really dumb and confided in my mom about going. Her response was to basically accuse my friend of being a murderer or thief that is trying to lure me to her so she can harm me. That fear has always been in the back of my head because my friend just seems so unreal to me but there’s really genuine moments I can’t share that have me convinced she isn’t lying to me. Or maybe I should listen to the fear.
Either way I have to talk to her about it first. I’m not sure she’s in the right head space to see me at the moment or when she actually has free time to do so. I haven’t been out of the country in maybe over a year so this could be good. My class will break for a few times so my windows to see her within a period of time a pretty slim, not to mention how the flights will get much more expensive the closer it gets to tourist season. Right now I have enough for the flight so if I’m diligent about saving in a few more paychecks I’ll have enough to survive over there.
Right now it still seems like a dream that this could ever happen. I feel like as soon as we meet it will cement that this is something more than just talking to each other over the phone. Not saying it would escalate to dating or anything like that because I don’t think she’s interested. This could be the best decision of my life or the worst. I’m not really sure which voice to listen to right now: the optimist or the pessimist. I feel like a healthy balance would work. And if it doesn’t work out I’ll have traveled to a country I’ve thought about going to for a while so it can’t all be bad.