Currently – 9/7/19 (Friend, Life, Feelings)

I texted my friend as a follow up to see how she was doing. She got back to me some time later as sort of like a follow up. Didn’t seem like she was doing alright so I really hope she’s okay. I did my best to console her but it seems like she’s still in pain. I really wish I could do more for her but I feel like its important to give her as much space as she needs and whenever she feels like coming to me I’ll be there for her. This whole situation is infuriating but that’s not her fault. I’m not going to go into it too much but I just want to stop what hurt her and I’m frustrated I don’t know the exact words that will make her feel better immediately.

Making matters worse is I feel like I’m pulling back somewhat as to not hurt her or overstep my bounds. I hurt her once before and now I’m just trying to be someone there to help prop her up as much as she needs it but also trying to be mindful of her feelings and our, albeit limited, past together. I suppose the only thing I really can do is just be here for her. School will make that a lot more difficult as it will almost completely cut into the time frame I usually talked to her but I understand the classes are important in general and if I explain it to her she will understand. I just hate the idea of not being available when she might need it. I kind of want to talk about her more but I’ve got a lot of feelings tied up in this and I think I need to process it before I basically put this out into the world.

I guess I can update you guys on how the writing is going, or lack thereof. So ya, unfortunately it has taken a nose dive. A lot of life stuff got in the way and I’ve just been pulled in multiple directions all at once. Admittedly I’ve tried somewhat but even when I have the time when I look at what I’ve made I just end up feeling like its lacking. I’ve said this before but I feel like chapters don’t need to be multiple pages long provided it flows properly. The story does, however, look short in general. I’m fine with chapters being around two to three pages in theory but looking at the fact I’m at chapter 11 but I’ve only got around 30 pages it just feels… wrong somehow.

Right now I just want to power through it and finish it but I can’t get these stupid little ideas out of my head. If I’m being honest the book is really getting to the good parts and its almost halfway done, in terms of chapters, and I wouldn’t mind releasing what I have right now and just continuing on. However I feel as though since I’m going to be starting school soon which will take away even more time from me I wouldn’t be able to update the story in any consistent fashion. My biggest pet peeve is when a story I’m invested in takes forever to finally update and I don’t feel like putting that on others if the book I’m writing does actually turn out to be something you all would be interested in.

Then again school could actually force me to write more, though that’s a pretty big stretch. My idea is that I’ve been so lazy for a long time that I’ve been used to putting things off. But now that I actually have to put some effort into something that might end up fostering some better behaviors. Since the book would really be ramping up in these final chapters and become a lot more complex and require more rigorous research this could be the thing I need to move forward in one way or the other. My mom keeps asking me if I’m excited for this class and I keep saying no but I think I might actually be right now.

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