Currently – 8/28/19 (Creativity, Depression, Fine)

I think I have a problem. My writing has taken a deep curve downwards and it doesn’t seem like its getting back up. I have a few ideas but right now I just need to voice that things are bad. My original idea that it would be in a somewhat completed state by the end of the month and, subsequently, before my classes started. It doesn’t seem like that is going to happen. At best I am halfway done with the book and after that I have to edit it to make sure there aren’t any errors as well as in a state that I am comfortable sharing. The book is still something I want to work on and finish but the timeline I created has changed.

My depressive state hasn’t changed much which is disappointing to say the least. I think that’s the major factor in me not being able to write which is annoying for a multitude of reasons. Despite what other media has romanticized, no, depression and bad experiences does not make you a good writer. The best way to describe depression is like a weight that is resting on you. The longer you allow it to stay there the harder it is to get off and it also hinders your ability to do pretty much anything… like getting those weights off. Right now I just feel lonely, which you’d think would be easy to get rid of but it isn’t. That being said I know why I feel like this so its not so bad because at least I know the reason.

Spent most of the day just trying to take my mind off it. I sat in front of a screen and just was sad, as weird as that sounds. Something that did help me was I remembered that Netflix updated a show I really like with another season: The Good Place. It helped a bit, at least from the standpoint I could actually laugh so that was nice. Right now I feel like I’m in a somewhat neutral state… but closer to sad so maybe not so neutral. But I do feel better so that’s nice.

I did go out today for some small things. Got something I’ve wanted to get for a while and a yoga mat. Maybe tomorrow I’ll try out some more yoga? Probably not but I can always hope. I just want to do something productive so I can not feel like a lazy sack of fat. I think I should try and force myself to write a bit more regardless if I want to. Maybe just change up my routine a bit and that will shake something up.

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