Currently – 8/21/19 (Effort, Surprise, Tired)

I’m happy to say that I actually did some more work on the book. Granted it wasn’t a lot but any amount of work is still work. It feels like I have to force myself but when I do I feel like the words gradually come to me more naturally. I’m still not doing the amount I’d like to be doing but I’m not going to beat myself up for trying. Eventually I may get back to my old strides but only time will tell.

Today I had an… unexpected surprise that was very pleasant. I’m hesitant to say anymore out of fear I’ll somehow jinx it. It put a lot of what I was thinking about into perspective and made me realize I was wrong in some areas. As a generally pessimistic person I like being proved wrong… provided that being proved wrong is pleasant, of course. I won’t say much more because of the past experiences where I’ve been excited and shared what I was excited about only to have it blow up in my face, so I think I’ll just keep this to myself and the only indication I give others is an uncharacteristic grin.

I had a run in with my old job on two different accounts. Rather I should say I had a run in with former coworkers. I always felt it was a bit awkward to see them because I thought they all knew I was ‘coerced’ into ‘resigning’ but as the days go by it feels less and less horrible. I’ve come to accept what happened, owned up to the fact I was at fault and I’m trying to move on. For the most part its working. Though its a lot more difficult seeing as how its my family’s business and I’m always privy to the ins and outs. At the very least the constant barrage of family telling me to jump ship because the business that had been around decades before I was born was going to crumble, reminding me that this is due to my grandfather’s passing, has been lessened.

In a few weeks I’m going to start my classes. My mom keeps bringing it up asking me if I’m excited. I’ll refer you to the previous statement on why I don’t get excited for things anymore. This could be good. I keep hearing that I’m pretty much guaranteed a job offer after the class is over so that’s cool. I have my own part time job and it doesn’t seem like it would conflict with either the class or the potential job in the future. I’m just worried about getting burned out working 7 days a week. Though if the job is good I may consider getting my own place and moving out.

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