Currently – 8/17/19 (Difficulty, Numbness, Acceptance)

Right now all I want to do is get back into a creative mood. However there’s another part of me that knows that I work best by forcing myself to work and eventually creativity flows. Obviously one voice makes more sense than the other but I have trouble pushing myself forward. I think tomorrow I’m just going to go for it. Whatever it takes I’m going to push forward.

I’ve been feeling really bad as of late but its starting to go away… slightly. Its difficult to describe how I’m feeling right now but I guess its the moment when the pain starts to leave you. The calm yet sore feeling. You’re not completely healed but you’re no longer suffering. It still stings but you can move on. I hope this is really what I’m feeling right now.

I guess it helped that my friend contacted me out of the blue. Though her reason for doing so wasn’t happy on her part but I was glad to be there to help her. We spoke for all of twenty minutes but she made me feel a lot less alone and even said she’d like to hang out some time. My new part time job makes that a little difficult to do but I’d definitely be interested in trying to find a time where we could enjoy each other’s company. I’m still floored by the fact we’ve known each other for almost ten years. Its kind of insane but also nice that I was able to keep someone so great in my life for so long.

Today was pretty normal. Worked, played, got annoyed but moved on. I’m fine with days like these. Its not bad, its not good. Its just there. I feel like people put so much stock into going for the best days when I personally just like the… not bad days? I guess that’s a way to put it. You have to be fine with the mundane, accept the normalcy.

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