Currently – 8/15/19 (Depressed, Annoyed, Stagnation)

I have just been really depressed as of late. There’s a few main core reasons but I don’t feel like talking about them is going to amount to anything. At this point its been increasingly difficult to do anything productive. Today I woke up immensely later than I usually do and just couldn’t bring myself to do anything work related. I ate extremely late as well, more out of an obligation not to starve rather than actually being hungry.

I understand completely that this isn’t sustainable. This depressive state is just absolutely draining and impossible to do anything worth while. I’m really tired of feeling this way. I want to change more than anything but I’m not sure how. At the very least I want an hour of being normal and the rest of the day could be me being depressed. Which sounds weird but I just want to be able to do things again. I can handle being depressed but I don’t want to do nothing about it or just nothing in general.

I really want to start writing again. Its not like I have any ideas on how to move forward but whenever I put my fingers to the keys I almost always just immediately bounce back into a creative mood. It also keeps my mind off of the annoying and bad things in my life so it feels healthy for me as well. I’m a pretty quiet person so writing for me is just about getting all of my thoughts and feelings that I’ve been bottling up out into the world for others to experience. My voice may not reach far but my words do. I’m still floored seeing the stats of this blog, knowing people in countries I’ve never been to occasionally visit.

I’m thinking that tomorrow, or even after this, I’m going to start doing some healthier stuff to promote a better life. Exercising on a consistent basis would be great. Of course writing more frequently or just at all is definitely up there. I actually kind of want to talk to people as well, not via text but with my actual voice… occasionally, I still feel awkard around people. I wish I lived closer to people I was in a better place with so I could interact with them in the real world but so be it. I think right now I’m going to set some sort of reminder on my phone to exercise so I don’t forget. Hopefully it goes well.

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