Currently – 7/31/19 (Contemplation, Acceptance, Progression)

Didn’t do much today, if I’m being honest. I don’t know why but my brain just absolutely refused to put any effort into writing. But that really feels like a cop out if I’m being honest. I think whenever I can’t write I’ll just review what I’ve written. Its not the best thing to do but its better than nothing and I might find the desire to genuinely write. I thought about just writing later in the day but I’m finding out more and more the lazier I am in a day the less likely I am to do work. Which sounds weird but its also kind of true.

I did do something I have been putting off for a while but I don’t feel like talking about it. Its a personal thing and now that its done I feel kind of numb. More from the stand point that its done and I’m not sure what to do. Most likely its going to come back and bite me in some way but I did what I felt was appropriate and would have been beneficial for both parties. I guess I decided to veg out on dumb stuff so I could mask any negative feelings or pain that might have come from my decision.

I keep coming up with new ideas for stories. Personally I feel like its a personal problem because I’ll work on something and then later come up with an idea I like then abandon a project that I previously liked. Its a circle. I think it would be best if I just finished something in general regardless of quality and then moved on. Ideally I would polish it to its truest potential but right now it feels better to finish an idea than have multiple ideas at once.

I’m not sure what I expect to gain from writing and posting stuff online. Not this but like the book I’m working on. I feel like I’m expecting to break out into the industry and finally find my true potential, but I feel like that’s just setting me up to fail. Maybe this is just a nice story. Maybe people like it and it just stays there. Maybe that’s all I need.

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