Currently – 7/30/19 (Writing, Balance, Fine)

Turns out that writing that outline was exactly what I needed. In the morning I finished a full chapter and a bit over another chapter. The words flowed much easier when I knew where I wanted to go with the story on a case by case basis. Once I’m finished with the book I’ll look into posting it online and, of course, link it so that you all can potentially share in a great story. I think I’ll do it on a weekly basis so that I can spend that week not only working on other projects but also proofreading it so that the chapter I release is as fine tuned as I can possibly make it.

Right now I’m in a pretty decent place. Of course there are things I wish I could change immediately but right now I’m kind of centered or otherwise stable. I’d definitely like to be making some money, I’d like to have someone in my life romantically and I’d like to either reconcile with someone or just have them gone from my life if they have no desire to interact with me. Apart from that it definitely could be worse. I have food, a place to stay, a few extras and I’m not hurting in any real way right now.

I’ve started pursuing someone in a romantic way, subconsciously that is. I’ve been noticing I keep hanging on the words this person says more than normal and I think of responses just so I can talk to them. Consciously I know I’m not really in a good place to be with or actually go after this person so I think I’ll try to hang back for now. If it happens then so be it but I can’t tell myself that a jobless and not so stable person is right to jump into a long term relationship. I know that’s unusual to say after I literally just said I’m in a decent place but I feel that was more for me than being in a relationship.

I think its one of those things where you’ve been down so not being down feels like being up, if that makes any sense. Like you’ve been in a bad place so a neutral place feels like a good place. Personally I’m kind of fine with that. Obviously I’d like to be a in a good place but I feel like being content is much better. I’ve often been in a stable position and tried to force myself to be in a better place only to end up falling. I like being content. It feels… good.

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