Today I decided not to write in my book. There’s a lot more stuff that I found out about the historical event I was basing my book on so I kind of have to find some way to work that in. Its kind of a challenge to make a fictional story within an actual historical event but not impossible. At the very least I’m interested in the story and I want to continue it. I know where I want to go now I just need to draw out the map. I think tomorrow I will force myself to do something with it, even if its small.
Worked again today. Its pretty easy but I’ve still got those new job jitters. Never know what to do, if I’m doing it right or if I should be doing better. I think compounding this is my boss is sick and it seems like I’m just filling in until they get better. Even still money is money. Could lead into something a bit more permanent. I’ve got other problems but not much I care to share at this time.
In some better news I’ve stopped torturing myself so much over things I can’t control or things I’ve messed up in the past lately. I guess voicing my annoyances helped somewhat. I still feel guilty but at least I’m somewhat over it to a degree. I don’t want to forget because then I don’t learn anything. However I also don’t want to continue messing with myself. I need time to process, to learn, to accept and then to move on. Hopefully I’m moving on or at least accepting.
The one thing I need to be careful about right now is falling for someone else or otherwise using a person as a replacement. I obviously can, and will, seek new relationships in whatever capacity that may be but I also want to heal and not bring baggage into whatever new relationship I start up. That person doesn’t deserve it and it isn’t healthy. I guess if anything new comes by I’ll be cautious. I’ve been hurt, and hurt someone if I’m being honest, and I don’t want to go through that again.