Currently – 7/27/19 (Work, Progress, Unsure)

Did some more work on my book today. Though I feel like as each day passes I’m doing less and less work on this thing. I’m not sure if I should change that or not. Force myself to write or allow it to flow? Maybe I’ll just give it some time. Either way some amount of progress was done.

Also worked at my temporary job today. Its pretty easy all things considered. Just basically on standby in case anyone needs anything. I do some work on occasion but its small and not really anything to fret over a lot. Have yet to be paid. Wondering when a paycheck will come by I think it will. In the meantime I still haven’t cashed in my check from my old job so that’s a bit of a safety net. I should cash it as soon as possible.

Pretty much every day I keep thinking about a bunch of things. Mentally torturing myself is a better way to put it. Can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t relax without thinking about this stuff. Its kind of infuriating and making me feel sad. I think right now I just want to be numb to it. Forgetting seems impossible and could backfire.

I keep thinking about all the things I’ve done and haven’t. Keep thinking I’m a failure. Its not like I want to have these feelings, its just that my brain won’t let me have a moment to myself. I know I’m not a perfect person, far from it, but I’m trying. All I ask is that I not constantly torture myself over all of these mistakes. How can I learn from them if I’m always thinking about how I screwed up? There’s a time to beat yourself up for messing up but there’s also a time to ask yourself “Alright now what can I learn from this to not do it anymore?” Maybe I’m still in the previous stage.

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