Currently – 7/11/19 (Foolish, Hasty, Undeserving)

I had an unexpected surprise happen this morning. I woke up to my phone buzzing with notifications. The surprise came from the friend I thought would never speak to me again and I assumed had blocked me without checking. She was pretty angry and we had a back and forth for a bit. After a few hours I understood what I did to her and how badly I made her feel. I wasn’t totally aware of this but I had some inkling.

Its hard to admit when you’re wrong but I can certainly do that: I was wrong. I thought terrible things about her that weren’t true, and instead of confronting her and asking her I instead let that fester in me then burst out at a terrible time. I am genuinely ashamed by my actions and I don’t think I can apologize enough. I only hope the best for her. I don’t expect us to be friends after this but that’s fine. I didn’t deserve her friendship.

As much as I want to pretend nothing similar to this has happened that isn’t true. I’ve let my own negative emotions and stupid thoughts fester in my mind rather than confronting someone. In some cases I can see that the relationship was bad and it was best that I left, however more often than not they were a decent person that didn’t see that same. Personal growth is something I always want to foster in myself so when it comes to situations like this I want to immediately call myself out for my dumb or foolish behavior. I hope to use this unfortunate situation to become a better person.

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