Currently – 7/7/19 (Abandonment, Overthinking, Uncertainty)

So that last post was… ya. I should say that I have some pretty bad abandonment issues. It doesn’t take much for me to believe that someone has just completely dropped me from their life without warning. Unfortunately this has happened before but I don’t want to get into that. So whenever I get the faintest hint someone may leave I basically just default to believing that they’re leaving me.

To make a long story short, I didn’t have a good childhood. I’m still dealing with a lot of problems that manifested in my youth. And it doesn’t help that I have an example or two so my brain can use it as an excuse. I’ve thought about going to a therapist, for more reasons than just this, but I have no money. Even when I did have a job I wasn’t making enough to go to a therapist. Hopefully one of these days.

I’m not really sure what to do right now. I think I’ll hold off on making any big life changes because I’m obviously not really in the right mental state. Life changes in this case would be leaving someone. I think it would be best to actually tell them how I feel as opposed to leaving. We’ll cross that bridge when it comes.

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