I thought that today would be different. I was wrong. I still feel horrible. I keep trying to reach out to talk to someone but no one is answering. If I don’t do something soon then I feel like I can’t come back from this.
Do I reach out again? I mean I already did once and I was rejected. I’m not sure if I can take another. Right now I can rationalize to myself they didn’t see my message or just can’t get to it. I can fantasize about any ridiculous impossible scenario happened and they actually really do want to get in touch with me but maybe they’ve been taken by the government to deal with a secret alien invasion that only they can solve. Its better thinking that than they’re avoiding me.
I think what’s worse is that technology right now affords us the ability to talk to one another more easily than ever possible, and yet right now I’m not getting that conversation or interaction I desperately crave. I don’t need them to talk to me for hours on end, I just want an indication that “I’m here and I care about you.” I just want them to acknowledge that I’m not feeling great or I’m in a bad place right now. I just want a friend…
Tomorrow is when everything really goes off. Bills will start to come in so I really need to find out what I need to do to pay them. I’m not even sure if my parents can help me. My dad said he would pay off my car bill but I’ve received no notification that has happened. My mom suggested I do some ride sharing stuff. That’s not really ideal but its money and I need it. I really hope that I can get through this time.