Currently – 6/14/19 (Unemployed, Downtrodden, Apathetic)

I know this is very early for me but I felt like I should just straight up get this out there. This morning I lost my job. No “maybe”s or “Are you sure?” Very blatantly my, now former, boss called me into the office when I arrived in the morning and laid it out plain. I think I was mostly surprised by it because of how nice the guy seemed. He even invited me into the office with a kind of joke and a smile. Ultimately it was probably for the best. However the irony that he was telling me that one of the reasons I was being let go was because at the time I was looking on my phone instead of somehow knowing he wanted me to come into the office without telling me and I was looking for potential apartments in the area to cut down on my commute time is certainly not lost on me.

Ultimately I’m going to get paid for the two days of work I did for him which is… fine. I mean it sucks I no longer have a job but hey… something? I have to see him tomorrow to give back a shirt he gave me and get my final check, which I have to say is kind of messed up. I mean this guy must have already been considering firing me and he didn’t just email or text me to bring a shirt to change into and have my check ready? Sorry, I’m not mad at him I’m just mad at this entire situation. Looking for jobs is awful and I want it to be over immediately, one way or another.

Right now I’m looking into maybe earning royalties. Having a 9-5 job doesn’t seem to be working out for me so if I could earn some type of passive income while at a temp or part time position that could work. It puts my plans of going to London on an indefinite hiatus but in the case of that situation I was already getting a little shaky on visiting this person as time passed. Not to say I still don’t want to but I think I’ve been fantasizing them when they really are just a normal person who wants to be a friend and not much else, which I can accept.

I’m really annoyed that I keep having to take concessions here and there for things I want. And the messed up thing is I’m not really shooting for immensely fantastical things here. I want a job, I want to maybe get into a relationship, I want to earn enough money to support myself and a potential family. Why is it that this goal is so out of reach while also being so simple and reasonable? For the first time in my life I’m legitimately trying to get these things. I’m not saying I should get them immediately but why are all my efforts to get them being stomped on?

You know in America we have this thing called “The American Dream” which basically boils down to if you work hard you can make it. Which is really messed up when you think about it. Why would being able to live a normal life be a dream? That should be the standard. I’ve always hated this idea. Because you should already be able to do that to begin with not “Man, wouldn’t it be great if we could survive?” I don’t know, I just think the system is broken to begin with and the people who have succeeded are now just picking up pieces of this broken dream and trying to convince people that it works.

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