Currently – 6/12/19 (Exhausted, Interested, Contemplating)

This job is… very tiring. But I’m learning a fair bit… while also failing a lot more. Its only been two days but pretty much every part of my body that can ache has ached. I have a fair few hang ups about the job but overall I’m happy to have it. Not only am I learning but the pay is supposed to be decent. I’ll find that out when payday comes. Plus I’m getting out of my comfort zone which is great for a variety of reasons.

For the most part I’m just waiting to see what the pay is going to be like. Not saying I’ll leave (although if the pay is really bad then ya, I’m making my escape plan) more saying my future plans are sort of put on hold, if you will. I think I really just have to get into the groove of everything and then I can maybe stretch my wings a bit, so to speak. The car ride back to my place I had the itch to start writing in one of my books that I’ve put off for a while. Definitely considering doing that maybe this weekend.

For the first time in a while I really feel like I can have a future and sort of build out. Before it was just about living from paycheck to paycheck and hoping something worth working for came around and that’s definitely not a good mindset to be in. I guess it stems from my background and childhood but also my own personal mentality, no doubt cultivated from those previously mentioned things. My dream has never been to have a job but have things that a job could provide. I saw my dad break himself his entire life and that definitely isn’t something I want.

But I’m an adult and its time I started acting like it. Despite my personal dreams I have to work towards them. I can’t just luck into these things but put in the effort, which I’m fine with. In fact I kind of enjoy it. The satisfaction of working hard for something and seeing the end result is very fulfilling. My biggest problem is I’m impatient and want the end result without putting the time in. Recently my mentality on that has changed.

I feel like there’s a turning point in everyone’s life where they turn into the person that they were meant to be or the person they will be for the rest of their life, for better or worse. Everyone at a certain age could trace back that moment. Maybe this is it for me? Not necessarily that I’ll make my fortune or build a career out of this job but maybe from the sense it grows something in me. The idea of working hard and enjoying the fruits of your labor. If I could take this mentality with me into the other areas of my life it could benefit me in the long run.

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