Currently – 6/11/19 (Elation, Momentum, Plans)

To put this entire blog post into one single sentence: Today went great. That being said I would like you to stick around and hear why! Today was the first day of my job. I was pretty scared to the point where I didn’t even have an appetite the entire day. Going into the office was really unusual. It was a lot smaller than I expected and somewhat informal. I didn’t even have to interview, just signed some papers, and within minutes I was already sent out on the job.

To put it lightly I have pretty bad anxiety. First time walking into the office and being given directions my mind went blank for a few seconds. I was partnered with this other guy and he drove us to the job site. He tried to start up a conversation with me. Usually when this happens I just give answers and don’t engage but I actually engaged! It wasn’t about much and we just talked a bit. The job itself wasn’t super straight forward at the beginning but I got the hang of it eventually.

In any case I think the worst thing was that I had to stand and do physical labor most of the day, which was to say it was a very minor bad thing. I tried to push through it but a few times I just wasn’t capable, my body ached so much. The guy I was partnered with was pretty chill about the entire situation and didn’t really chew me out, possibly knowing it would take some getting used to. The job took a fairly long time but it eventually got done and both of us got to see the fruits of our labor which was actually really nice.

Of course after all this, the very nice people and the job done fairly well, my anxiety convinced me I had screwed up. I didn’t keep the job, I was going to have to go back on the hunt. I started talking to one of my friends about my day when my boss actually called me up. The entire time I was thinking “Okay he’s going to say something went wrong or he’s going to say that I’m fired.” Turns out that, no, in fact he wanted to know how I felt about the day and whether or not I wanted to return. I was pleasantly surprised, to say the least.

Things feel like they’re actually moving forward right now. I’m not sure what the future holds but from here it looks pretty bright. I’ve got a decent job that pays pretty well, decent coworkers, plans for the future. Its really weird to say this but I think everything is going to work out alright. I talked about how before that things have felt so bleak and, while I know its going to get better, I just can’t imagine it. Well… it feels like things are actually getting better right now!

I’m not going to let this momentum go. I feel like I’m going to ride with it for as long as I can. Its time to learn new things, experience new things and get out of my comfort zone… just a bit. I’m not ready for absolutely everything. I wonder how long this will last. But, instead of worrying about the future, I think I’m going to go into this with cautious optimism. I know first hand that situations can turn ugly extremely fast but right now I feel like I’ve taken a first step into the rest of my life. I’m not going to run, definitely not crawl but maybe just a light stroll through this new adventure. I’ve got time to spare.

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